Significant Others
Some of you may find that you have your first romantic relationship in college. For others, going to college may mean separating from a romantic relationship or attempting to foster a long-distance relationship. Forming these relationships is crucial for personal devel- opment and happiness. You’ll learn about yourself, build important lifelong social knowledge and skills, discover what you like, and have many amazing experiences.
In romantic and sexual relationships, it’s important to be honest, to know and vocalize your desires, and respect boundaries. Furthermore, the script of men initiating encounters and women being docile creatures needs to be updated. For example, sitting at a coffee shop one day, a woman—after talking from afar—walked up and gave me her phone number. If initiative-taking by women were to become a norm, I believe, it would support a greater culture of respect. It’s very important for men in particular to get clear communication from others, as according to research they tend to misread cues.
Similarly, I agree with Peggy Orenstein, author of Girls & Sex, that a women’s sexual pleasure is important. Ms. Orenstein has researched the message young women and men receive about women and their role in sexual encounters. The updated version that she promotes is that rather than the man being the only one pleased, a woman’s desires should also be met.
Furthermore, in terms of health, know that coming in contact with body fluids means using protection. Just do it! Some diseases and infec- tions don’t have symptoms. No one wants them, and you don’t want to be the one who’s spreading them.
Sexual harassment is another topic that requires addressing. As mentioned earlier, the MeToo movement has drawn long needed attention to the issue. I’ve been harassed. The answer to this problem is having a greater understanding of what it means to gain and give consent, having a no tolerance culture, and effective action both before, during and after these unnecessary and inappropriate situations.
On a similar note, it’s also important to protect those who are falsely accused. I have seen situations where the accuser has created or misrepresented a story so to protect her own job. Lying about what happened is not okay. In this regard we should also make sure that the accused is given fair treatment.
In addition, if you are in a relationship, be sure not to spend all your time together. Have friends around and continue to nurture those relationships. Also spend time alone, exercise, study, and live a balanced life. If you find you’re having a difficult time with one of your relationships or having a hard time forming one, talk with a counselor.
Resources
Henderson & Armstrong's book: 100 questions you’d never ask your parents: Straight answers to teens’ questions about sex, sexuality, and health
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
Niven's book: 100 simple secrets of great relationships: What scientists have learned and how you can use it
Chapman's book: The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts
Miller's book (academic read): Intimate relationships
Orenstein's book: Girls & Sex: Navigating the complicated new landscape
In romantic and sexual relationships, it’s important to be honest, to know and vocalize your desires, and respect boundaries. Furthermore, the script of men initiating encounters and women being docile creatures needs to be updated. For example, sitting at a coffee shop one day, a woman—after talking from afar—walked up and gave me her phone number. If initiative-taking by women were to become a norm, I believe, it would support a greater culture of respect. It’s very important for men in particular to get clear communication from others, as according to research they tend to misread cues.
Similarly, I agree with Peggy Orenstein, author of Girls & Sex, that a women’s sexual pleasure is important. Ms. Orenstein has researched the message young women and men receive about women and their role in sexual encounters. The updated version that she promotes is that rather than the man being the only one pleased, a woman’s desires should also be met.
Furthermore, in terms of health, know that coming in contact with body fluids means using protection. Just do it! Some diseases and infec- tions don’t have symptoms. No one wants them, and you don’t want to be the one who’s spreading them.
Sexual harassment is another topic that requires addressing. As mentioned earlier, the MeToo movement has drawn long needed attention to the issue. I’ve been harassed. The answer to this problem is having a greater understanding of what it means to gain and give consent, having a no tolerance culture, and effective action both before, during and after these unnecessary and inappropriate situations.
On a similar note, it’s also important to protect those who are falsely accused. I have seen situations where the accuser has created or misrepresented a story so to protect her own job. Lying about what happened is not okay. In this regard we should also make sure that the accused is given fair treatment.
In addition, if you are in a relationship, be sure not to spend all your time together. Have friends around and continue to nurture those relationships. Also spend time alone, exercise, study, and live a balanced life. If you find you’re having a difficult time with one of your relationships or having a hard time forming one, talk with a counselor.
Resources
Henderson & Armstrong's book: 100 questions you’d never ask your parents: Straight answers to teens’ questions about sex, sexuality, and health
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
Niven's book: 100 simple secrets of great relationships: What scientists have learned and how you can use it
Chapman's book: The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts
Miller's book (academic read): Intimate relationships
Orenstein's book: Girls & Sex: Navigating the complicated new landscape